Cassandra Blair Coffman

I'm lost mom. I wish you were here.

I wish I had known you. I feel lost. I push everyone away because I don't know how to hold onto anyone. I'm always scared I'll lose them. I wish you were here more than anything. I wish you could know my son. I wish I could talk to you. I wish you'd stayed. I love you, Mom.

I was listening to music and one of the songs we called our song came on, “Head over Feet” by Alanis Morrisette. We always sang it together when we heard it, it was our song and it always will be. I wish things would’ve been different. I wish you was here with me listening/singing our song with me. But you are I can feel it. I love you. I pray you know that. I know you love me.

My Dearest Cassie,
I hope this letter reaches you in the realm beyond, where I imagine you to be. There isn't a day that goes
by where I don't think of you, my beloved daughter. The weight of guilt and regret has been heavy on my
heart since the day you left this world. I want you to know that I loved you with all my heart, even
though I didn't always show it in the best way. Please accept my deepest apologies for any pain I caused
you during your time with us.
Looking back, I realize now that I didn't fully understand you, Cassie. I failed to grasp the complexity of
your emotions and struggles. I was sometimes harsh and impatient, unable to comprehend why you
were the way you were. For that, I am deeply sorry. I wish I had been more compassionate and patient,
offering you the support and understanding you needed.
Since your departure, I have been wrestling with guilt and remorse. I blame myself for not being there
for you when you needed me the most. I carry the weight of regrets, questioning if I could have done
things differently, if I could have been a better mother to you. The pain of losing you is unbearable, and
the burden of guilt only intensifies that anguish.
In my search for solace and understanding, I came across a letter written by another grieving mother. Her
words touched me deeply, and I want to share some of them with you:
"Because of you, I learned that becoming a mom is the greatest privilege of all.
Because of you, I learned that life is a gift, no matter how hard it is and that I can choose to treat it as
such or throw it away.
Because of you, I learned that love is a precious gift. I now try to love everyone and everything, just like
you did."
Reading those words made me reflect on the lessons you taught me, even in the short time you were
here with us. You showed me the true meaning of love, compassion, and resilience. You opened my eyes
to the beauty of life and the importance of cherishing every moment.
Cassie, I want you to know that I am working on forgiving myself. I understand now that guilt will not
bring you back, nor will it heal the wounds that exist within me. Instead, I want to honor your memory
by living a life filled with love, kindness, and understanding. I want to be the person you saw in me, the
person you believed I could be.